Learning Experience 1: The Struggle Continues - The Decision

Learning Experience 1: The Struggle Continues - The Decision

Spirituality is a big part of who I am. In my mid-term essay, I wrote about the persecution that I faced when I returned to my home country after my freshman year. As some of you may know, I grew up in Vietnam for the first eighteen years of my life – a place where the Communist Party runs the country and Buddhism is the dominant religion. However, the teachings of Buddhism never reached my heart no matter how hard I tried. On the other hand, Christianity in my country is a minority religion, and Christians face certain persecutions based on “unwritten law.” Since the Communist system considers Christianity as a threat to the government, Christians in Vietnam are not accepted for work in the government or allowed to enlist in the army. In contrast, in the United States, Christianity is something normal and close to many people’s hearts. Thus, since I lived in Vietnam for a long time but came to the United States in a formative time of my life, I found myself torn between the opposite ideologies of the two societies. I began exploring Christianity for myself during my freshman year in college. In order to reach the current stage where I believe in God and Jesus, I went through emotional moments when I burst into tears in frustration; I was burdened with doubts about Christianity. Being a stubborn and independent kid, I refused to believe in things just because a majority of other people did. I found ways to challenge other people about their beliefs because I wanted to understand the truth so that once I committed to becoming a Christian, I would have a real relationship with God, not just a label called “Christian.”

When I return to Vietnam for summer, I painfully realized that there was a big gap between me and my beloved family, since we were no longer on the same page about religion and spirituality. Coming back to the States this fall semester, I have tried in vain to make sense of the lack of support my family gives me. Their refusal to understand the gospel - what I believe in - is a persecution to me. My heart aches and tears start rolling every time I think about how all of my relatives and family members looked at me, and they were polite like people are when they think someone is insane when I shared story about my path to God and why I believed in Jesus. My faith is a large part of who I am now. How can I fully connect with them when they cannot understand a large part of me? I love my family, and I am disappointed that our bond is not as strong as it used to be. I also worry that my family will reject me if I continue to live out the gospel, and that breaks my heart. But what breaks my heart more is imagining their eternal destination without Jesus. The persecution is so small in light of eternity.

As I wrote in my mid-term essay, the church’s sermon on Sunday 10/ helped lifting up that burden in my soul. I finally came to terms with the fact that my family was unable to comprehend the words of God yet, and I have some strategies as to interact with my family when I see them again next summer.

However, the battle still continues. Even though I accept the persecution that I face as normal thing, I am not in a comfortable position to talk again about my faith with my family yet. There have been many times when I thought about living in a place where I cultivate and grow my faith, which also means not living in Vietnam and near my family. “Abandoning” your family to pursue a life that you want is something frown upon in the family-oriented Eastern culture. Moreover, the thought that I would rather live in a place without my family but where I can grow my faith, is unimaginable if I was still the girl who I was before I came to the US. I feel guilty. I feel guilty to my parents. I have been raised in the Eastern culture for quite a long enough time for that idea of “sacrificing for your family” is blended in my blood. Would I allow myself to be selfish enough to pursue my own interest and abandon my parents? (In this case, abandonment in the Eastern culture can simply be the child not living near and not being able to take care of their parents when their parents get old – this is considered one of the most outrageous sins a child could commit).

On Sunday 10/17, the church talked about The Decision in Matthew 10:34-39 and Roman 1:18. To accept my roles as a messenger to share Christ. The truth is harsh and sometimes draws people apart because no one wants to be told they are morally bankrupt. I remember myself last year when I first exploring Christianity (I was an agnostic then), when my Christian friend told me that “All of us are so broken and we are filled with sins. All of us,” This statement used to push me into the defensive mode “No way! Who are you to tell me that I am broken? I am have been a good student and a good daughter at home all my life. I rarely break the rules and rarely tell lies. I’m not broken. I may have sins, but am not really “filled” with them, am I?” Based on my past experience, I can understand why the pastor explained the harsh side of the truth. As a follower, I ought to understand relationships with the loved ones could turn sour and bitter and I must not be afraid to lovingly speak the truth even when it might be divisive. And most importantly, the pastors marked that when if forced to choose, Jesus comes first! “Wow” I think! As if he was talking to me and knew the struggle in my heart too well!

During the sermon, I listened to the pastors with tears on my face. They are tears of the harsh truth being received, and also tears of relief of guilt in my heart. I was relieved of the mental burden I had had for the previous two weeks about me being a bad daughter to my parents if I lived somewhere else besides Vietnam. I now comprehend that whatever the price for following Jesus, it is not too high.   

Laughter 1: The innocent husband

Laughter 1: The innocent husband

I follow a lot of newspaper site on Facebook, such as The Economist, ABC, BBC, Fox News, The San Francisco Globe, etc. Some of the posts were news-worthy, some are just plain misery to read, and some are out straight silly and comical. A few days ago, I came across an article titled “Woman films her husband after he wakes up from wisdom teeth removal surgery” on The San Francisco Globe. Since I knew that The San Francisco Globe is a page full of non-sense and comical videos, I clicked the article, hoping for something funny to stir up my day.

The embedded main picture before the video starts was of a man, about thirty years old, half-conscious with his dull eyes half opened, holding three strips of tissue in his mouth. This scene reminded me of my scary childhood memories when I had to go to the dentist and came out with a mouthful of cotton balls. “It’s going be hilarious” – I think. The video starts with the woman’s asking “Hey honey can you wake up?” He answered with his eyes closed: “It’s my lips. It feels like super glue” and went on “… I like skateboard.” My wife was laughing and asking “What do you think they should give you for doing so good?” And he said: “Skateboard” again. His honest and innocent answers made me giggle for a while. In this case, I agree with the incongruity theory about humor. The surprising factor in his irrelevant answer to his wife’s questions violated my expectation about typical answers a thirty-year-old man could have produced. As I giggled, I felt bad for this guy at the same time. He was in discomfort after the surgery and certainly still under the effect of anesthesia. However, his helpless situation only increased the comical factor. Those who follow the superiority theory may ask whether I was giggling because I felt superior to him. No, I would say. I was entertained not because I had a cruel heart and enjoyed seeing people half-conscious being filmed. I was entertained because I was surprised with his surprisingly irrelevant answers and I knew he was under no danger since it was just a mini surgery to remove a wisdom tooth and he understood perfectly what his wife was asking him.

The wife continued to asked questions and laughed at the same time, which partly contributed to my laughter.  Because laughter is contagious; once we hear another person laugh, we will have the tendency to simulate the action. After about 3 minutes, the conversation between the spouses took an interesting turn.

- Wife: You are going to go home and sleep for six hours. I don’t think we are going to the movie tonight, sweetie!”

- Husband: Are you going to take advantage of me? …I know you’ll probably take my clothes off.

To this point I busted out in uncontrollable loud laughter. This twist of conversation once again confirms my belief in the incongruity theory. I laughed out loud because never in my life had I heard a husband raising concern about whether his wife would take advantage of him when he slept, considering the two of them were in good relationship. It was odd how a man, still lying in the hospital’s bed with his eyes closed and his mouth full of cotton balls, showed worries about what his wife may do to him when he sleeps.

At the end of the day, comical videos like this one are good sources of entertainment. They brighten up my day as they strike benign laughter and help release stress. More importantly, these videos are of real, daily life and not staged; thus, they reinforce my belief in positive, humorous incidents in life.   

(Feel free to serve yourself with the video I mentioned above here: http://sfglobe.com/2015/01/08/woman-films-her-husband-after-he-wakes-up-from-his-wisdom-teeth-removal-surgery/?src=fbfan_30731)

Meeting my conversation partner for the first time!

Meeting my conversation partner for the first time!

On Monday September 28, my conversation partner- Palmira Cumbo - and I joined Mark and his conversation partner, Eduardo Chacon for dinner at Market Square.  Palmira is a beautiful, twenty-year-old girl from Angola and Eduardo is a twenty-six year old man from Venezuela. We sat in a small round table at the back of BLUU, allowing us to hear one another clearly. “It’s going to be fascinating.” – I think. After all, how many college students have the opportunity to have a real conversation with friends from Africa, South America, and North America at the same time?” (I’m Vietnamese).

My first impression of Palmira was that she had pretty hair and was quite shy. We hugged and I asked about her experience at TCU so far. Palmira said she was enjoying living in the States in general and being a part of the Intensive English program in particular. She is living off-campus with a friend who drove her to the BLUU so that we could meet. I appreciated her effort to meet with me and glad that she had good friends to help her. Palmira expressed her wish to stay in the States. This was where I began to ask her more about her country because I knew a lot of foreigners wanted to stay in a country after living there for a while because that country’s environment is much better than that back home. From Palmira’s story, I learned that it is very difficult to bring a lot of money out of Angola because of the government’s policy. Besides some light coverage on politics, Palmira and Eduardo both told me that studying here is so stressful because there were a lot of homework, unlike in their home countries where the teachers didn’t give much homework.

After talking about her country and culture for a while, I realized that her shyness is not a dominant characteristics of her personality.  She is a sweet, friendly girl who anyone would want to be friends with. Her shyness actually roots from her current inability to communicate in English in full proficiency. Compared to Eduardo whose English is at advanced level, Palmira’s English is at inter-mediate level. It is very brave of Palmira to come to the United States to study English and to challenge herself. As a non-native speaker myself, I can imagine all the struggles I would have experience if I couldn’t communicate clearly and effectively. In the US culture where individualization is stressed upon, the ability to show who you are and confidence are the keys to success in most circumstances.  If you can’t talk well and fast enough, people won’t have the patience to listen to your stories, no matter how deep your thoughts are or how smart you actually are. This is why some international students I know, even though being very smart, often receives Cs in classes because of their inability to illustrate what they understand. If they could solve the same homework problem in their own language, their grades would have been much higher. However, I think foreign students have to accept all possible challenges once they study abroad, and there is no excuses if foreign students don’t make effort to catch up with the native speaker’s standard because of the language.

A large part of our conversation revolved around Palmira and Eduardo’s future plans after they are done with the IEP. Eduardo will go to medical school in Chicago for his master’s degree. Palmira plans to apply to Collin College in Plano, Texas. When I told her that I knew another IEP girl whom I met at camp also wanted to go to Collin College, Palmira explained that Collin College is not only possible for her to get into but also affordable . As much as she wanted to study at TCU, TCU’s tuition was too high without scholarship.

After a while, Mark had to leave for work, and the rest of us stayed to talk for another thirty minutes. I shared with Palmira from my personal knowledge and experience, the types of scholarship students can get at TCU, types that she is eligible for, and the process to apply for scholarship and financial aids.

Our first conversation was interesting. Not only did I learned more about Palmira, her dreams and goals but I also had the chance to get to know Mark and Eduardo better. Palmira is so sweet and genuine, and I can’t wait until the day she can expressed herself better so that many other people can see her beautiful soul. Eduardo is so active, open-minded, and straightforward with his opinions. In the future, may ask for his advice on getting a driver license and buying cars. Last but not least, I am glad I joined Mark that day because Mark and I had two class together but we never really had the chance to know each other until then.